Bluestocking Catalogue #18
Feeling my feelings about Christmas 2020, my grandmother's eggnog & an action step
Hi, all. I’ve missed you the past few weekends.
Last weekend, Noah and I decided officially that we wouldn’t travel for Christmas; we also stayed home for Thanksgiving. Even though we both know this is the right thing to do, staying home for Christmas is yet another loss in a year where losses have come so fast I’ve almost lost track: Not getting to finish and celebrate the school year with my beloved freshmen (now sophomores!) back in June. A cancelled trip to see my people in New England in the spring. Not getting to throw Noah a big birthday bash for his 30th. No (belated) honeymoon to Italy. A cancelled summer trip to Vancouver to hang out with one of my college besties & take a week-long poetry & liturgy course with Malcolm Guite. No getting to bond in person with brand-new freshmen. Not knowing the faces of many of my students. Not baking pies with my sisters and sassing my brother the day before Thanksgiving. No singing & dancing to “White Christmas” with my mom while we deck the halls. And now, no cozy Christmas morning stockings & brunch with Noah’s mom and siblings, whom I adore.
This list doesn’t even begin to address the collective trauma we’ve all encountered this year, as we’ve witnessed ongoing police brutality against Black people; a global pandemic & unnecessary covid deaths due to an utterly inept response from government; gaslighting & lying at the highest levels; the list goes on. As Andre Henry reminds us, it doesn’t have to be this way. And also, here we are.
We lament these collective losses, and each have our own list of personal losses. Although I’m sure your list of losses looks different from mine, I find it cathartic to list them, to remember that my feelings of sadness are valid. There is much to grieve this year. One of the things I grieve is my lack of choice, and this is part of what makes staying home for Christmas so sucky.
Listen, I am a homebody. I love cuddling up with a novel & cookie beside the Christmas tree. But this year, I don’t get to choose being home as part of the winter holiday, as a contrast to travel & festivity. When I’ve lost the choice to do anything else, it’s not as fun to stay home. It feels like more of the same, rather than a comforting reprieve from social merriment.
In addition, I don’t LOVE feeling my feelings sometimes. Especially when the past, present, and future feel filled with sadness. I’d rather plan the sadness away.
It does help me to have things to look forward to (like driving around looking at Christmas lights and listening to this playlist!) At the same time, I’m also trying to remember that this Christmas will simply be different, and over-planning cannot solve that. I cannot replicate the feeling of being with family Christmas morning, of nostalgic annual traditions, of travel’s excitement. I can start some new traditions & carry on the old ones that are meaningful to me. I can also adjust my expectations about how Christmas will feel. Hopefully, I can avoid spending all my time noticing what Christmas 2020 is not rather than being present for what is.
That’s what I’ve got for today. I hope that my sharing my process of dealing with December 2020 is helpful for you in some way. You’re not alone if you’re feeling complicated feelings about the holidays this year.
Gorgeous Advent Reflections on IG
Speaking of feeling our feelings, my friend Bri - a talented artist- is creating a “spiritual atlas” over on Instagram:
Aren’t these posts gorgeous? I can promise you the captions don’t disappoint. Bri’s writing is gorgeous, poetic and insightful. Please do yourself a favor and go read these posts. There’s even more on her page @brianna_kinsman.
Sarah Bessey’s Gift Guide
I look forward to Sarah Bessey’s gift guide each year - she researches and shares a number of companies that making a difference - and quality products. It’s worth taking a look, even if most your Christmas shopping is under control (if so, kudos!) I’ve found companies like Starfish Project, Imagine Goods, and Cheekbone Beauty that I come back to later in the year when I’m looking for gifts for others - or when my mom asks what I want for my birthday. :) Here’s the link again.
My Grandmother’s Eggnog Recipe
My mom tells stories about how her grandmother would store this nog outside during a cold December. After I made the original recipe, I understood why - it makes a truly gigantic amount. I made 1/3 last week, and it made one huge bowl’s worth - probably 12 servings.
For the last two years, I’ve made this for Noah’s and my annual Yuletide Open House. We’re obviously not hosting anything this year, but if you’re a local friend & would like some nog, I’d be happy to set you up!
The key to this recipe is really quality ingredients. I use farm fresh eggs, and although it’s not necessary, buying nicer milk/ heavy cream would also be a worthwhile upgrade. My mom’s family always used Jim Bean bourbon, so that’s what I use. Don’t worry too much about how much alcohol to add, so long as it’s proportionately correct between the rum (I use spiced) and bourbon. This recipe is also excellent without the booze. Sprinkle some nutmeg on the top if you’re feeling extra fancy.
Last time I made this I beat the whites too much - they were closer to meringue stiffness, and they didn’t incorporate well. The whites should still be soft-ish when you fold them in. If you make it, I’d love to hear how it goes! I’m including the original recipe below, along with the proportions for 1/3 of the recipe (in the blue to the left):
Hunger Advocacy Action Step
I don’t need to tell you that a lot of people are suffering right now. I just sent this letter to my representatives asking them to increase SNAP by 15% to help those who need it most. Here’s my letter (which I literally just texted the bot from my phone.)
You can sign & send my letter to your reps by signing PIUGHD to 50409 or to @resistbot as a direct message on Twitter or Messenger. You can also use @resistbot to send your own letters to your reps.
Thanks for being here. As Pantsuit Politics says, may you have the best weekend available to you. 💙